Crouching cougar hidden pervert

For a while, I have been hiding recently. Wasn’t exactly sure when it started, when the cougar retreated back into her cage and shut the door ajar. Each meet was a destruction to myself. Confidence eroding with each small fail and like an avalanche the bad sex accumulated and self doubt grew.

Was it me or was it him?

“Trust me, he feels worse,” said H. “A guy will always feel worse when he can’t get hard.”

“Is it?” We had this discussion more than once. As the many fails grew, we kept talking about what went wrong. It’s normal for humans to overthink. If we really were animals, the fittest mate and the weak is left behind.

In my case, I liked them young. Not as strong and virile, close to prime but still had room to grow.

“I like to corrupt them,” I told a guy.

At some point, they are all guys. Only the ones who chat with me often, every other day, get names. And as memory goes, they are the ones I remember, and if they match my type, I’d ask to meet and play, and if we still play on and off, I guess we are friends.

“You are too old school. Guys don’t like labels,” said H.

This was when I told him I wanted to officially ask a guy to be my FWB. There is something special, in my opinion, about offering a piece of myself and my heart to that guy, saying that I’d make the time and enjoy being with him.

“You scare them off if you put labels,” said H.

Maybe he is right. Of course, he is right. H knew how guys tick and dick. Haha. He took my first set of pics for my naughty Insta and always knew which ones would hit them just right.

Every time I post his pics he took of me, my DMs light up with dirty messages. Not saying the selfies I took ain’t good, but H has the eye for sexy and all things beautiful.

I digress again. The men I’m meeting here in Korea this time were those whom I’ve chatted with for at least a year or two, and we are finally making the time to see each other. Perhaps, last year, when they said no to me, they realized they missed that boat.

And in my heart, I wanted to end that chapter because time is closing in, and the loop of this YOLO journey, my account, and my confessions, with my book coming out, seem to be reaching its end.

I’m not saying I’m no longer going to hunt. I’m saying, I’ve reached my metamorphosis, and this YOLO life is now my new normal.

This is me. A side which I hold dear and this self is whom I love.

It has been two and a half years since H and I started our open relationship, and some of these guys were with me from the get-go.

There is a feeling of reunion each guy I finally say hi to. Some I’d sleep with, and some we casually chat. It’s a good feeling, and this 3rd Summer trip to Korea has been a lot better than the second year. As they say, sequels have the habit of falling flat. Like books, the middle is the hardest to write.

Pushing through the tears and peanuts of yesteryear, I’m glad I’m at this point. Older and wiser and a lot happier with my open life and decision-making.

Am I settling down? Not really, but I’ve found a few friends whom I kindna count on, both for fun and a listening ear. And maybe as I kept telling everyone, despite the danger of fate pulling us apart, I might have recently found the one.

Unlike the one-and-only love of my life, which will always be H, this other guy, as he likes to call it — our instant attraction, was my lover in a past life. Maybe he is right. Asians believe in reincarnation because it would explain the sparks in our meeting and the casual ease with which we got to know each other.

As we are continents apart, I often thought and wondered why he’d say that. How could he be so sure we were meant to be more than friends, less than husband and wife?

Was he that much of a flirt to be such a love bomber? How much was I persuaded by his sweet words than my own belief that there was a deep connection?

And yes, this is a sex blog and not a romance one. Don’t get me wrong.

So, he is my best pervert partner, aka Myguy, and lucky enough, since then, I might have found two more here in Korea in a span of days.

And this is what I tell them here in Korea. “There is a guy I like in the US. I decided that if you can’t be like him or more, I’m not going to have sex with you. I’m tired of vanilla sex and won’t waste my time on non-byeontaes.”

Ouch yes. But the cougar is no longer crouching. The pervert is out, and the Queen does whatever she wants.

And I won’t ghost. I’ll just say it as it is.

Only perverts allowed.

xoxoxo BB